We had a promise paid, we were in love...

The day we went to that concert, a homeless, drunk man harassed me outside my apartment for the first, but not the last time and I'd never felt so violated, and yet I felt that you didn't care much. At least not as much as you should have. It was a gift for your birthday, those tickets. José, a special pact between the two of us. You never knew that I'd hoped to play those songs at our wedding, but I know that it wouldn't surprise you. You always pretended that nothing I said could surprise you. What would have surprised you is that my feelings about that had been stripped away like the peel of an onion. José would have once brought me to tears, but I can see the beauty in his music again, without you.

A friend discussed the idea that a mate is the person whom you can see yourself with down the road with, five, ten, twenty years into the future. For me, that person was once you. For you, that person wasn't even yourself. You have no concept of a road into the future. It's pretty hard to compete with the vision of nothing.